


Bad At Love

by slytherinwoozi



Series: hopeless fountain kingdom [3]
Category: Fifth Harmony (Band), Halsey (Musician)
Genre: Coming Out, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Politics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 10:54:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12505792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slytherinwoozi/pseuds/slytherinwoozi
Summary: I'm bad at loveBut you can't blame me for tryin'





	Bad At Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third part of my hopeless fountain kingdom series. I hope you enjoy it!

They were getting good at it. They watched each other's shows and went home together, wherever home was for that specific night. They were writing something together, a song, one with feminine pronouns and strong lyrics from the past that still hurt in the present. They were slowly healing. Outside their quiet hotel rooms, there was a war, or maybe multiple ones. The country was getting way too crazy again, and everyone was scared. Those days, you never knew who would be next. It could be a relative or a friend, someone who was too bold and too strong, someone who swam against the current. There were too many martyrs and Ashley could feel Lauren was on the verge of a breakdown.  
"I wish I had your courage," she would tell her. "I wish I could come out and just say everything I feel."  
Ashley would kiss her forehead and card her fingers through her long brown hair, holding her as tight as she could. She wasn't brave. Not at all. She had just happened to be all alone at first, with her loud mouth and her unpopular opinions. No one had told her how to please people. That wasn't courage; it was just foolishness.  
"I know, baby," she would say instead of that. "You will do it when you're ready."  
"I'm scared I'll never be."  
She shushed her with a kiss. Her lips tasted of the chocolate bar they had shared after Lauren's show was over, and it was delightful and peaceful and safer than ever, even when outside the world was on fire.  
"You're beautiful," she whispered against her lips. "Your mind is beautiful, Lauren. And the world will be blessed when you share your thoughts with it. But you don't need to say anything if it's too dangerous to."  
"I don't want to be the girl who becomes a generic idol just because she's a little famous."  
"You're the opposite of that."  
"I'll be exactly that if I don't stop hiding."  
It hurt her to see Lauren upset. She had strong opinions and a heart that could fit the whole world inside it, but she didn't seem to believe that. Ashley wished she could make Lauren see through her eyes for one day, just so she could look at herself and see how much beauty there was in her every word, how brilliant she was. For now, though, all she had were her own hands and lips, limbs tangled up perfectly with hers, eyes half-closed with exhaustion but not willing to close, not willing to lose sight of her.  
She was in love.  
Ashley was in love, and it made her desperate. It could never work. Lauren was just such a perfect part of the world, as if she had missed her for her whole life until they met at that party, but also way too perfect for her to screw up with her bad habits and melancholy. Maybe, if they were regular people with regular lives, they would have been able to live a fairytale together, fighting against all odds. It felt like there were too many odds in their real life.  
One day, they made coffee together and watched cartoons for the whole afternoon. The next morning, one of them would be gone, and they wouldn't see each other for days or weeks or months. Strangely enough, Ashley didn't give up. Because it felt like they had been together for their whole lives when they were side by side, and she couldn't lose that. That kept her going even when it felt impossible, because it was too precious to end. She knew Lauren felt the same. In their own messy way, they were fighting for it. And they wouldn't give up on each other.  
As the days passed, everything felt way too near, too real. They would vote and they had a big chance of losing. Ashley was recording her album and she knew few people would understand it. Lauren was becoming more and more confident every day, sharing her opinions and losing all the safety she had when she stayed neutral. Everything could go terribly wrong and Ashley couldn't stop thinking about it. She let it all out in the studio, her anger and her doubts and her tiny spark of hope. She would record with Lauren, too, but it was a secret. Would be until the tracklist for her album was revealed. It felt too far away, like a dream she would never achieve, but it was coming. Soon enough, they'd be singing together, sneaking out of the recordings to kiss in the restroom, and it would be perfect. Their little secret love story.  
When they voted, they spent the rest of the day together, too scared to even think about it. They ate ice cream and watched 90s movies and tried not to cry when the news started to appear. There was still a chance everything would be fine, but it felt tiny in a world filled with cruelty and selfishness.  
"You know," Lauren muttered, making her stop paying attention to the TV immediately. "No matter what happens after this, I'm coming out."  
"You sure?"  
"More than I've ever been," she smiled a small, nervous smile. "There are so many things I need to say. I can't keep hiding when I could use my voice to make a difference in this world."  
"That's my girl," Ashley said, her smile as bright as the sun outside. "You're so fucking amazing. I love you."  
There it was. That sentence, one they'd never exchanged, too heavy for their delicate little world. Coming out of her mouth like it was routine. They both stared at each other for a minute, not quite knowing what to do.  
"I love you, Ash."  
She let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding when Lauren said it. Those words took something enormous out of her shoulders, making her lighter than she'd ever felt, light enough to float. If that really was love, she had never felt it before.  
"I don't know what we're going to do," she confessed. "But I love you, and I won't let this go."  
"Neither will I," Lauren whispered, her husky voice sweet like honey. "It took way too long for me to find you, and I'm not about to give you up. No matter what."  
Ashley smiled and tangled their pinky fingers together. A promise.  
"No matter what."  
The next week was eventful. It hurt her to see her country lose, and the future was terrifying, full of danger for everyone she loved. She was sad, but she was also angry. She spoke about it, and so did other artists, and so did the rest of the world. It felt relieving to see how many people wanted peace more than anything else, but it felt painful to see that, even after everything they had done, they had lost that battle. Now, their only hope was the future. The present was so absurd it felt like part of a dystopian novel. She was so sure everything would be alright, and then it all fell apart.  
But there she was, and there was Lauren. She wrote a public letter, a beautiful piece on hate and hope, honest like their 3 AM talks and as eloquent as she'd ever been. Sometimes Ashley wondered how someone could be so good, so intelligent, so true.  
They spoke through FaceTime after Ashley saw the letter. Lauren was shaking, her image blurry as a result, but she was more beautiful than ever. So unapologetically herself. The woman she had fallen in love with, the one she wanted to build happily ever after with. It was too early for them to go public, of course; they were still figuring out the personal parts of their relationship, anyway. It was something delicate and complex, something people might not understand. So they were still a secret, kept even from the closest friends. She felt so young when they finally could be alone, a messy teenager with too many feelings, but it was the best thing she had ever had. They could grow together. And she'd always be by her side.


End file.
